So my mind has been going about a hundred miles a minute lately. Way too much on the brain. I haven’t been able to write lately as much as I did before. Seems that every time I get a good idea going something comes up. The phone rings or I have to switch my background noise or the dog wants to go outside or the girlfriend is home and wants to spend quality time. Before I basically worked my eight hours just so that I could come home and write. Now it almost seems like something too expected. I feel that people want to hear what is next so badly that work has been rushed. This has caused my block… well this and a lack of anger due to regular “I wub u” being thrown back and forth within my home. Somehow it was just so much cooler to be awake at 1am typing my heart out when there wasn’t a naked woman waiting in bed for me each night. Just now she happens to be naked after her shower and sleeping already for at least an hour before I even walk in the door. I guess at some point that happens with most relationships. One party ends up needing a way to vent while the other needs beauty rest.
Anyway my goal as of late is to rebuild my life. I am starting to get into financial advice reading as my spare time hobby self-education. Hopefully it will be a lot better for me then celebrity gossip and may even be as welcomed as family and relationship sociology. Since getting into that years ago I have learned more about women then they know. Maybe that is why I am the clear level head of this relationship. So far I think we have had maybe two disagreements, both of which ended with her giving the apology for screaming and one with me actually being wrong. It’s because I learned how to fight smart. This is also useful in the workplace where I have definitely taken on the “strong silent type” role who can see all sides of a problem. Hopefully some of this knowledge will help to prepare us for the next few weeks. Things are about to take what can be a major step and the last thing I want is to set up for failure.
So something wonderful in my opinion has happen just in the packing stage. Over the weekend I went through an old foot locker that I have owned for years. It served as my coffee table/bench and also seemed to collect a ton of old papers and junk inside. I always had the feeling that something important was inside. The last time I think it was funny emptied was 2003 when I lived in Baymeadows. So now that I knew that the stickers on the side would last another day I opened it up to see what was left. One of the last things my hands touched was a pink piece of folded paper…. a pawn receipt!
Now the item that was pawned really should not have been. See back in ’02 I believe it was I was sitting at home in my only other one bedroom apartment enjoying what was then WWF Thursday Night Smackdown. A commercial came on asking for people to call in to win a prize pack. Not being one for too much luck I tried and was informed that I would be the winner of a night out at a local club with a nationally touring band. Upon arrival that day with my friend/driver I was greeted by the staff at what was Planet Radio 93.3 and the members of Drowing Pool. I had never done the backstage tour bus deal and can not be sure if I would recommend it to most people. The scene was pretty much what one would imangine with strippers and crazies. My memories are kind of faded from the night mostly due to Dave Williams (RIP) walking up and down the bus with a bottle of Jager in each hand. I do remember CJ attempting to teach me how to play their hit song Bodies as we both sat in a cloudy back section. I went home at the end of the night with a killer hangover and a signed guitar to show for my adventure.
Now this treasure hung on my wall for a couple of years. It was the centerpiece of my little home studio and a conversation piece between the Oriental art my roommate owned. I never learned to play… didn’t have the time or money to take lessons I would tell myself. My thought was though going into 2004 that I might give it back to CJ after Dave died rather than try to cash in on his memory. Then one day my life was turned upside down by my own stupidity. Though I had been on a slide down the side of the cliff towards an ocean, this was a good rocky bump that sent me flying out and down further than I needed to travel. I needed immediate cash and this was the only item I owned worth more than $100.
Fast forward to 2008 and the case which contains the pawn receipt. I was shocked that I would have hung onto this piece of paper for so long and excited about the possibility of regaining a part of my life. Pretty much since I came to St Pete my goal has been to find a way to bring the old Derrick back and start over. There were many mistakes that I made in my 20’s most of which concerned money. Some concerned women and the rest I count towards an unnecessary attempt at conformity. I gained and lost everything and now find myself on a mission to regain the important parts back within my grasp. I look more inward now and build on strength. There is not much left on this first bucket list though I am not using it for my own actual death. Maybe the death of “D-rock” and the rebirth of Derrick.
For a lot of this I have my girlfriend to thank. I met her just as I was starting my second baby step. I wanted to use a phrase she was familiar with and lately the only preacher she knows is Dave Ramsey. The guy apparently was a millionaire in real estate, went bankrupt, and now writes self help financial books and does talk radio. I swear if he is Oprah approved I am going to ban him from our new home. Honestly I am about 110 pages into Total Money Makeover and I think the book could have been a lot shorter. I am sure ranting is good for those who plan to hang on your every word like sheep, but for the rest of the public please get on with it already. If I wanted to listen to some duderant I would just read my own blog! Still some of what he says when he actually talks about finance is worthwhile. I like the part that says to live within your means and plan for not only your needs but also your wants. Pam likes the buzzwords!
So anyway I jumped up screaming with excitement at the fact that something I would have considered an impossible dream had a glimmer of hope in becoming a reality. My partner on the other hand considered this a waste. Negative things were spoken as to why I should not be allowed to think about this purchase. I am sure that couples deal with money issues on a daily basis and since you all have the nerve to share baby pics that I didn’t ask to see I will share adult discussions that you didn’t ask to hear. Immediately upon coming in with my excitement I was greeted with ball-busting tone and almost a resounding “no” from someone who had just purchased diamond earrings and a new shirt that day. Being the greatly wonderful, smart, and kind man that I am I very nicely (well I think I was nice) informed her though that this purchase would have to be made no matter what. Besides, as I put it, they might not even have the guitar…
Now my reasoning for wanting this item does have a secondary purpose. Sure my first reasoning would be to regain an item with sentimental value. The picture also being drawn in my mind though is that it would be used in what will be referred to as my new zen. The first zen was my office located under my loft bed in my sleeping room. For those who never had the chance to come over that would be what is normally the living room. I set it up after realizing that the actual bedroom received way too much natural sunlight and would work better as my kind of party day room with couch and turntables. When most people came over they found the set up to be weird but inviting. Pam’s first quote was that it the office was a very peaceful area. Now with the move I wanted to reconstruct a working area that would allow me to take full advantage of the spare room. Otherwise it ends up as some boring guest room with a boring bed and boring stuff that we never use but instead have ready for people who can’t get a hotel to sleep on because we think they are too good for a couch. I say get an air mattress or a pull out for them and use the space we are paying for. Plus I am 99% sure that my design ideas will not be welcomed in this new home. Let’s think about this logically here for a second; She watches HGTV like it is owned by Oprah, and Oprah like if she is the great satan. I pretty much model my design around comfort and shock value. She has the nice adult pieces that maybe aren’t Sex and the City but at least could pass for a knockoff. I use the best in slumperdink style to create a look best for broke college students. Who do you think will win the living room? Bedroom? The least she can give me is a man cave!
And what of this man cave I speak of… why the demanding request. I would have to say that it is my time spent in the study of relationships. This is how it works virgins; Boy meets girl, boy clubs girl over head and drags her home, girl wakes up and tries to clean up the boy before her parents show up. I get it here. We have hit the point of compromise where we must now work to find the aspects of our personal lives that can be minimized in order to join together. Moving is a great time to evaluate the life and it’s property to see what is unnecessary, and moving in with someone you love and plan to spend your life with makes the task even more difficult. What is an emotional attachment to one becomes a few extra bucks at a yard sale for the other.
I am putting my foot down on this one with good reason. When I look at the guys I know who are happily married, I see that they have something to keep them busy. They have a hobby, a side business, a garage, gun collection, etc. There is an escape from the daily wife life. When I look at the women I know who are happy I see the same thing. Be in shopping or gardening or just playing bridge they have a life uninterrupted by the husband. Most of these happy people have activities they have done far before the marriage started. More important I think than this when I look at the divorced guys I know or the guys who are unhappy with marriage I see men who in almost all cases were forced to give up something. I see guys who complain about the lost sports car that was traded for the family van. Men who spend their whole lives on a collection that is sold for half the true value on E-bay. I ask the women I know who are single or at least told me they were single long enough to get me into bed and the number one reason I found was that “He wasn’t the fun loving guy that I met” which was usually followed by some story of a dream she shattered in his life. Damnit that will not happen to me! I have worked too hard on figuring out how to control my life and making the goals of regaining what I have lost to listen when anyone says I am not allowed something. I am too independently stubborn to accept the notion that I must now conform to the generic male who takes Viagra not because he can’t get it up but because his woman stole his set.
Besides….they won’t even have it in stock, right?
Well funny thing happens to dreams. Sometimes you wake up and forget that you even had them after a few minutes. Sometimes you need to wake up because they scare you. Sometimes you are awake and don’t even notice that you are dreaming. Then once in a blue moon the stars align and God actually looks down with approval and gives you a path to make them come true. At about 12:21PM on Monday one of mine was put on this path. I spoke with the owner of Superior Pawn who informed me that the guitar was still in stock. Yeah, apparently no one wanted to buy a guitar with a bunch of words scribbled on it made out to D-rock. The price will run $250 plus tax and shipping. Not exactly in my budget but I think I will have to make a sacrificeto obtain the item. It’s a good thing that I skipped to the back of Mr. Ramsey’s book where he shows how to write out a budget and plan for things you need/want that come up from the dept. I can only hope that maybe I can score some extra spending cash somehow for the thin month with a side job or two and that George keeps his word to not sell the item within that time. Still if you have not experienced tears of joy I can only suggest you try it out sometime.
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